Key to Developing Self-Confidence in Children
How does a child form a sense of himself? How does a child form his ideas about himself in relationship to others? We become who we are in the context of relationships; we are meant to be deeply connected to each other and to all we do, in the way we do it. The first years of life are critical in the development of who we will become and because our very foundation is built upon relationships, it is also built upon our cultural and familial roots. Dr. Ed Tronick, worldwide leader in the field of Infant Mental Health, says that our brain is both a relational and a cultural organ; our roots are an intricate part of this highly complex process. Bring to your mind one of those messages that stayed with you since you were little about something simple such as what made you good and how people would respond if you just did so. The relationships and things children experience have meaningful and long-lasting impact on the child’s understanding of himself, on the child’s understanding of relationships and on the child’s capacity to believe that he can be safe, seen, and heard by protective parents and caregivers and by people in the world. Our cultural and familial roots are passed from one generation to the new ones, anchoring that sense of confidence that there is something unique and worthy in and about us, despite of what life may bring.
Sharing with children about their roots matter, and it is critical and it is more so when the child is an immigrant or when the child has immigrant parents. Family resource specialist Eliana Tardio emphasizes this:
Culture is the sum of values, beliefs, and behaviors we have grown up with and that we transmit to our children when raising them. Migrating to another country must not change our cultural foundation, it can be adjusted, but it should never disappear; that’s why it is important to give our children the opportunity to know where they come from, so that they can identify the need of belonging to our community as they grow up.
Although Tardio, focuses on the Latino culture; this is truly applicable to any migrant child and children with immigrant roots. Tardio’s statement highlights the importance of one’s cultural foundation just as Dr. Tronick helps us to understand why culture and cultural roots are key to development
When children know where they come from, they know that there is something that makes them and their family belong to a larger community that has gifts and strengths. This knowing will support the child to face the complexity of life in all its diversity and it will support their capacity to embrace diversity in their friends, classmates, and people. When parents, caregivers, and family share with their children about their roots, they absorb traditional values and “the family’s ways” that they would otherwise never know, strengthening the child’s sense of self and self-confidence. In a global community in which because of the technological advances there is a wealth of constant information about how we should look like in order to be happy, it is difficult to discriminate values and ideas. More than ever the child’s knowing of his culture and roots will act as a protective shield, giving him internal tools to discriminate and chose from a place of strength.
Knowing one’s heritage scaffolds the child’s developing sense of self-confidence also by supporting awareness about prejudice and its sources. It is undeniable that not everyone feels warm, understanding, or welcoming toward migrants and immigrants. History has been built upon these differences and unfortunately, they are still ruling the fate of millions of families. Inevitably, as the child grows older, there will be instances when they will be at the receiving end of these heavy feelings, including hate. When children know their roots they will have an understanding of their difference as a source of strength and sense of why difference may lead to these big, difficult and destructive feelings.
Research in the field gives strong evidence about knowing origins, and having a family’s narrative contributes to strong positive outcomes in emotional health for children. Rebecca Hardy from Guardian describes the result of her research on the topic: “They found that the more the children knew, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.” This study tells us that it is critical for children to know their roots at a very young age because it contributes to developing social confidence in their life among other important internal tools the child will need.
What do you know about your own roots? What was it like for you to learn about it? What have you told your children? What would you tell them after reading this posting?
My book, Mommy, Tell Me, Why Did You Come Here?, is a story of a migrant child trying to make sense of moving to a foreign place by asking his mother the important questions. Also, please feel free to contact me through my Twitter, Facebook, and Goodreads accounts.
References
Hardy, Rebecca. 2017. “Why Children Need to Know Their Family History.” Guardian, January 14. Accessed October 6, 2017. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jan/14/children-family-histories-tales.
Ramos, Zuania. 2013. “Raising Children to Be Proud of Their Roots by Encouraging Latino Culture at Home.” Huffpost, August 22. Accessed October 6, 2017. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/22/children-latino-culture_n_3799178.html.
